Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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