I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
