how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dicks are not precious.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
