We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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