I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
