Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
