Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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