did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
