I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
