dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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