Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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