omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
