you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
