she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
