I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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