dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
