I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't deserve a penis
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
