New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
