ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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