my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
