mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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