I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
