Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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