Cold hands, warm shart.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
