I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
