She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we're making bets on your personal life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
