jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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