Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
