There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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