but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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