i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize