you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need a beard to bite.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
