i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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