Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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