At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
