Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
