That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
