Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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