haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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