i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
