I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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