Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
