I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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