How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
