Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
