I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
