Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i've created a new STD.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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