Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
