oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
