I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
