I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
false alarm, still single
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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