They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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