I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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