We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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